Self-esteem and self-importance

WHILE it is good to have a high self-esteem, it is not

when we get fat in self-importance. A high self-esteem is the

objective awareness of who we really are. An obese self-importance is

an exaggerated sense of our value and importance.

            It is not good to have a low self-esteem that misses our

real dignity as persons and as children of God, meant to be God’s

image and likeness and to share in his divine life. We should try our

best to build up and keep a high self-esteem that is always compatible

with humility.

            When we have a high self-esteem, our capacity to work, to

help and serve others, and most importantly, to thank God and to be

always with him, increases. We would be willing to do anything, even

to play the role of being the servant of all servants. That would be

no problem to us. In fact, it would reinforce our self-esteem.

            Definitely, to have a high self-esteem would involve a

constant reference to God. It would make one strive to always have

presence of God, to know his will and ways and to do his best to

follow them. It would make us feel that we are always accompanied, and

that whatever situation we may find ourselves in, whether good or bad,

we would still feel safe and secure.

            Having a high self-esteem will lead others to see, feel

and love God through us, while we hide and disappear. It does not

steal the limelight from God. If we truly have a high self-esteem, we

would feel good that we be ignored while doing a lot of good for

others out of love for God.

            When we have a high self-esteem, we would know how to

distinguish between making full use of all our talents and powers for

the good of all, and simply strutting our stuff, eager to show off,

hungry for people’s admiration. Of course, we would do the former

while avoiding the latter.

            But we should try our best also to avoid any trace of

self-importance because we would just be deceiving and fooling

ourselves. A fat self-importance is always awash with pride, vanity,

an exaggerated self-awareness and overvaluing of our own assets,

talents, resources, etc. All these blind us or, at least, distort the

objective reality of who we are. It is an over-estimation that

actually degrades us.

            A bloated self-importance stems from one’s very subjective

assessment of his own self, deprived of any reference to God. It is

simply built up on one’s own consideration of his human and natural

powers and fortunes. It stands on no solid ground, but rather on

shifting sands. It’s actually not stable, and is highly prone to

mental disorders like the bipolar cases that, sad to say, are rising

these days.

            When we have an intense sense of self-importance, we

always want to be acknowledged, thanked, appreciated, admired, spoken

highly by others. We would suffer when we are ignored, and more so

when we are insulted and humiliated. We would always want to show off,

if not to dominate others.

            When we have this anomaly, we many times end up uneasy and

tense, obsessed with perfectionism and the urge to control and to be

on top of others. We always want to succeed and to win in any game.

And when we lose, we usually become a sore loser, feeling quite

devastated.

            Another sign of this perverse sense of self-importance is

to have an extreme feeling of entitlement. We would want to have as

many privileges and benefits to such an extent that we would feel

deprived if we would not have any of them. We also would become

over-sensitive.

            We should learn to clearly distinguish between a healthy

high self-esteem and a bloated sense of self-importance. We should

know where the basis of this distinction lies.