Monday, July 20, 2020

Self-esteem and self-importance

WHILE it is good to have a high self-esteem, it is not
when we get fat in self-importance. A high self-esteem is the
objective awareness of who we really are. An obese self-importance is
an exaggerated sense of our value and importance.

            It is not good to have a low self-esteem that misses our
real dignity as persons and as children of God, meant to be God’s
image and likeness and to share in his divine life. We should try our
best to build up and keep a high self-esteem that is always compatible
with humility.

            When we have a high self-esteem, our capacity to work, to
help and serve others, and most importantly, to thank God and to be
always with him, increases. We would be willing to do anything, even
to play the role of being the servant of all servants. That would be
no problem to us. In fact, it would reinforce our self-esteem.

            Definitely, to have a high self-esteem would involve a
constant reference to God. It would make one strive to always have
presence of God, to know his will and ways and to do his best to
follow them. It would make us feel that we are always accompanied, and
that whatever situation we may find ourselves in, whether good or bad,
we would still feel safe and secure.

            Having a high self-esteem will lead others to see, feel
and love God through us, while we hide and disappear. It does not
steal the limelight from God. If we truly have a high self-esteem, we
would feel good that we be ignored while doing a lot of good for
others out of love for God.

            When we have a high self-esteem, we would know how to
distinguish between making full use of all our talents and powers for
the good of all, and simply strutting our stuff, eager to show off,
hungry for people’s admiration. Of course, we would do the former
while avoiding the latter.

            But we should try our best also to avoid any trace of
self-importance because we would just be deceiving and fooling
ourselves. A fat self-importance is always awash with pride, vanity,
an exaggerated self-awareness and overvaluing of our own assets,
talents, resources, etc. All these blind us or, at least, distort the
objective reality of who we are. It is an over-estimation that
actually degrades us.

            A bloated self-importance stems from one’s very subjective
assessment of his own self, deprived of any reference to God. It is
simply built up on one’s own consideration of his human and natural
powers and fortunes. It stands on no solid ground, but rather on
shifting sands. It’s actually not stable, and is highly prone to
mental disorders like the bipolar cases that, sad to say, are rising
these days.

            When we have an intense sense of self-importance, we
always want to be acknowledged, thanked, appreciated, admired, spoken
highly by others. We would suffer when we are ignored, and more so
when we are insulted and humiliated. We would always want to show off,
if not to dominate others.
  
            When we have this anomaly, we many times end up uneasy and
tense, obsessed with perfectionism and the urge to control and to be
on top of others. We always want to succeed and to win in any game.
And when we lose, we usually become a sore loser, feeling quite
devastated.

            Another sign of this perverse sense of self-importance is
to have an extreme feeling of entitlement. We would want to have as
many privileges and benefits to such an extent that we would feel
deprived if we would not have any of them. We also would become
over-sensitive.

            We should learn to clearly distinguish between a healthy
high self-esteem and a bloated sense of self-importance. We should
know where the basis of this distinction lies.


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