Human affection and family life

IT’S good that we give due attention to plan and develop
our affectivity especially in the context of our family life. We are
all humans, and we can face big issues and challenges in life, but we
should never forget that we need to show affection to everyone,
regardless of the situation, because that is an immediate and
universal human need.

            Without affection, all signs and expressions of civility,
mercy and compassion would be hollow. They would all be a sham, for
affection is the beginning and end of charity, the integral packaging
of love that can have its highest point in mercy and compassion.
Charity without affection would be a strange charity.

            And the model for this is none other than Christ himself
who in spite of the seriousness of his mission—nothing less than human
redemption that would have its culmination in his crucifixion—never
neglected to show affection for everyone.

            First, he lived 30 of his 33 years of earthly life in a
family, and we can just imagine how the family atmosphere was when
both Mary and Joseph knew who their son was. We can be sure that the
home life the Holy Family must have been invariably characterized by
affection, to say the least.

            Even in his public life when Christ was busy going around
preaching, he always showed affection and compassion with everyone,
especially those who were sick and possessed. With his apostles who
went around with him, he always managed to spend time with them in
some lonely place where they could rest and talk with greater
intimacy.

            It’s important that we make deliberate effort to develop
our affective life. There now are many threats and dangers that can
undermine it. We can take others, especially those who are close to
us, like the family members, for granted.

            We can easily fall into familiarity that may not breed
contempt as much as it breeds indifference and unconcern. Then, there
now are many distractions, especially coming from our new
technologies, that can hook people into endless games and other
self-absorbing and self-seeking activities. In this regard, there is a
great need for self-discipline and a strong sense of order and
priorities.

            If not the above, then we can have the dangers of
perfectionism, self-righteousness, obsessive-compulsive rigidities and
oversensitivity. These can imprison us in our own world that can use
as defense mechanisms such practices as rash judgments, the keeping of
grudges and resentments, the unwillingness to forgive, etc.

            There also are the dangers of sentimentalism, particular
friendships, loquacity, gossiping, backbiting.

            We have to learn how to deal with our unavoidable
differences and even conflicts in some matters. We somehow should
welcome these differences and conflicts because they serve to expand
and enrich our understanding of things.

            Let’s remember that the itinerary and shape of our human
and Christian growth is indicated by what the others need or expect
from us, no matter how unlikeable these expectations are.

            The will of God for us at any given moment is many times
known through what the others need. Attending to these needs with
affection builds up our human maturity and the fullness of Christian
charity.

            When we manage to practice affection in our family life,
we actually would be putting ourselves in a good position to handle
the demands of all the other aspects of our life—spiritual,
professional, social, etc.

            We can pray better, work better and relate ourselves
better to the others when we know how to be affectionate in our family
life. We can be very simple, and our ability to understand people and
things better, as well as to discover more things of interest in
others would be enhanced if we are affectionate with others.

            We need to spread and propagate this culture of being
affectionate in our family life more widely. This is what the world
needs now very badly. We should find ways of making plans to develop
this basic aspect of our life.

            Family meals and other forms of family togetherness should
be fostered. We should have the habit of listening to others intently,
getting to know them more thoroughly, including their tastes and
styles, their biases and preferences.

            We should always be ready with smiles, stories, jokes,
positive and encouraging words, etc. These have a certain charm and
magic that can always outdo the criteria of cold reason alone.

            We need to bring this matter of how to be affectionate in
our prayer and study. We cannot anymore afford to take it for granted.
We have to be dead serious about this duty.