Our hidden faults and weaknesses

EVEN while we try our best to know ourselves, we also

would know that we can never know ourselves enough, much less,

completely. Man is a great mystery. St. Augustine said as much:

  

            “Don’t you believe that there is in man a deep so profound

as to be hidden even to him in whom it is?” We just have to learn to

live with this abiding predicament of ours and do something to deal

with it as best as we can.

  

            Of course, we are always encouraged that we make regular

examinations of conscience so we can probe into the hidden parts of

our mind and heart, of our conscience, and get to know the motives and

spirit behind our thoughts, desires, words, deeds and negligences.

  

            This is not an easy task, especially if we are burdened by

tiredness and the many concerns that hound our mind. Just the same,

the only thing to do is that we try our best, even if our best is

never enough. We just have to go on and on, trying to know ourselves

well.

  

            We cannot deny that there are just too many temptations

and all forms of evil for us to cope with. A psalm expresses this fact

well: “For evils without number surround me. My sins have overtaken

me, so that I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and

my heart has failed within me.” (40,12)

   

            We don’t have to look far to verify the truth of these

words. We just have to look at our own experiences and see how many

evils, in all kinds of forms and ways, visit us the whole day.

  

            We therefore should pray a lot, putting ourselves as much

as we can in God’s presence, so that whatever happens, we would still

be with him. We can make use of another psalm as a prayer to go with

our examinations of conscience:

   

            “Who can discern his own errors? Cleanse me from my hidden

faults.” (19,12) Still another psalm is helpful: “See if there is any

offensive way in me. Lead me in the way everlasting.” (139,24)

  

            We need to be humble to acknowledge this fact of life.

Only the proud and the vain would ignore this, and thus neglect the

needed action to address this universal human predicament. It is in

this kind of uncorrected situation that we would be building up a

moral disaster in a matter of time.

   

            No matter how daunting the effort is in knowing more and

more about our hidden faults and weaknesses, we just have to go on

with that duty. It can be a way of showing the authenticity of our

love for God and for others. And it will pay off tremendously.

  

            We would become a better person, more able to handle the

issues and challenges of our life. We would certainly make a better

world for all of us, no matter how small our individual contribution

may be. More importantly, we would be more able to discern God’s will

promptly.

  

            Our interest and motive for knowing more about our hidden

faults and weaknesses is not because of a perfectionist mentality.

Rather it should be because of our love for God and for everyone. We

are interested in this duty because we want to love God more and serve

others better. We want to glorify God.

  

            We need to be reminded of this motive quite often, because

we can easily fall into a perfectionist trap, just wanting to improve

ourselves simply for our own sake alone. This is when we can reinforce

our pride and vanity, considering ourselves as superior to others.

  

            That is why we always need to rectify our intentions. We

should never forget that the danger of perfectionism is always around.