CASES like this
are unfortunately getting plenty. I am
referring to those individuals who have succeeded in
converting from
their colorful past but are still being assailed, almost
constantly,
by the bad thoughts and images of the past, with matching
feelings.
Especially in
their weak moments, when they are alone and
tired, about to sleep or have just waken up, they feel
the assault
sharply, and it seems that their efforts to ward them off
are not
enough. There are times when they want to give up, and in
fact, from
time to time, they fall.
I usually
advise them not to worry at all, since worrying
will just make things worse. Instead, with great
confidence, they just
have to continue to pray, asking always for God’s grace,
and to try
not to mind those thoughts and images.
I tell them to
repeat many vocal prayers, looking piously
at holy images, clutching a crucifix more tightly,
kissing ‘stampitas’
more devoutly, sprinkling holy water, etc. I encourage
them to just
ride out the storm, letting those thoughts, images and
feelings to
play out in the end spent and exhausted.
In the worst
scenario, it may also be more practical to
make the radical sacrifice of getting up immediately,
taking a shower,
doing some exercises or corporal mortifications. But
never give those
bad thoughts and images any opening by making the mind
and heart, body
and soul idle and empty in any given moment or, worse, by
dialoguing
with them.
Deny them even
the first base. Instead, ask God for the
grace that good thoughts, images and feelings replace
them. In this
regard, it would be good that we keep a good armory of
devotional
prayers, sacramentals, and holy images. Also ask for the
powerful
intercession of the Blessed Mother, the angels and the
saints.
It cannot be
denied that we all bear the spoiled remnants
and dregs of the past. They leave some mark in our body
and soul,
thus, those thoughts, images and feelings. We should not
be surprised
by this fact anymore. In fact, we have to expect them to
come and give
us some trouble from time to time, and we just have to be
ready for
them.
Life, we are
told, is a constant warfare. We can hardly
expect any truce, since the enemies of God and,
therefore, also of our
soul, will always try to frustrate God’s loving designs
for us. The
devil, the sinful world and our own wounded flesh will
always be in
conspiracy against us.
We have to
remember that, as one saint would put it, while
conversion is a matter of a moment, sanctification which
will always
involve the need to struggle, grow and improve, will
always be a
matter of a lifetime.
That these bad
thoughts, images and feelings come only
means that we are in constant need for purification. This
should be
considered as a given, and we should just devise an
appropriate
lifetime plan to address this issue in our life. We
should never take
this concern for granted, ignoring the many ascetical
means already
made available in the Church.
But neither
should we over-react to these things. Let us
never forget that God is always in control and is on our
side, even if
we do not feel that we deserve it. He will never abandon
us. Let us
take comfort in what St. Paul told us in this regard:
“No temptation
has seized you except what is common to
man. And God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted
beyond what
you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also
provide an
escape, so that you can stand up under it.” (1 Cor 10,13)
Just the same,
in the event that we fall, we can and
should always rise up immediately, asking again for
pardon especially
through sacramental confession.
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