What really matters

WE cannot deny that all throughout our life, we will

always have to contend with differences and conflicts among ourselves.

Our unity is not meant to be a uniformity. And if we know how to play

our game well, so to speak, we would also know how to make use of our

differences and conflicts to strengthen, not weaken, our unity. Our

differences and conflicts can actually work for our unity, not

division.

  

            The secret is always to live the virtue of charity. That

is what really matters in life. As St. Paul said, charity “bears all

things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails.” (1 Cor 13,7-8) This is what brings us to heaven, in

spite of our differences and conflicts.

  

            It’s a pity that in our differences and conflicts we end

up eaten up by anger, if not by hatred and all other forms of

negativism—irony, sarcasm, bitterness, resentment, etc.

   

            There are issues in life that can trigger not only

different views, but also conflicting positions. And it would just be

okay if we end up disagreeing with each other, regarding our

differences as irreconcilable. We are not expected anyway to agree

with each other on everything in life. But what is not okay is when we

fall out of love for each other.

  

            This does not mean that there are no right and wrong in

our different and conflicting views, or that all positions hold the

same value. Besides, most times we really would not know who or what

is right and wrong, what is better or worse, in a particular issue.

Whatever the case, we should try our best that we do not fail to live

charity among ourselves.

  

            Nowadays, there are issues that are considered hot,

controversial, divisive. They usually are political in nature, or they

can be social, as in the case of gender, or cultural, as in the case

of the difference between nationalism and patriotism.

  

            They can be matters of science, as in the question of

global warming and climate change. They can even be issues about faith

and religion.

  

            Of course, each one of us has the right to express his

view as forcefully as possible. It is just hoped that the forcefulness

does not undermine the virtue of charity. We should try to learn how

to be forceful and charitable at the same time in our discussions of

issues. This is possible and it is imperative that we manage to learn

to blend them.

  

            We need to continually ask and check ourselves if indeed

charity is always lived when we happen to go through our differences

and conflicts. In fact, the ideal is that the more different and

conflictive we are among ourselves in our views and positions, the

more charitable we ought to be with each other. Yes, our differences

and conflicts can occasion greater charity, as they should. They are

not meant to be destroyers of charity.

  

            We have to learn how to hold our horses when we feel

provoked. Of course, we should try our best that in defending our

respective positions, we avoid provoking others. This means that we

have to try our best to know the other parties as personally as

possible, so we would have an idea of how they would react to our

interventions.

   

            We have to be quick to understand others, to offer

forgiveness when they commit a mistake or may happen to offend us. We

should also be quick to ask for forgiveness when we are the ones who

commit a mistake. And even in our most bitter conflicts, we should try

to avoid inappropriate words.

  

            In the end, we have to realize that to be able to be

charitable all the time, we need to be vitally united with God who is

love himself, the source, pattern and power of charity.