Thursday, November 24, 2016

Handling misunderstandings

THEY'RE unavoidable in our life. For a number of reasons. Between our
limitations with respect to making ourselves understood and for others
to understand us, an ocean of possible instances of misunderstanding
can occur.

This is not to mention that the world today is in a very toxic
condition that easily lends itself to misunderstandings among
ourselves. The rapid developments, considered as progress, is actually
creating a Tower-of-Babel effect where people, communities and
societies are increasingly fragmented insteading of being more united,
giving rise to all forms of animosities and discord.

People are hardening in their biases, preferences and peculiarities,
in their perceptions, views and opinions, and even in their core
beliefs, without the corresponding effort to understand those with
different positions.

Think about the general state of politics today. Objectivity,
fairness, patience and magnanimity are literally thrown out of the
window. Politics is not anymore so much about the pursuit of the
common good as the pursuit of self-interest.

People nowadays flaunt their status as having overcome the
narrowmindedness of the past generations and as being broadminded,
what with all the information overload they are now having, and yet
they are quick to judge rashly, gossip, backbite, and to disparage and
alienate others.

Most everyone thinks he is always correct and the others always wrong.
Yes, things have deteriorated so much that in spite of affirmations of
being tolerant to an increasing plurality of positions, people are
falling into a simplistic black-and-white outlook in life. Instead of
being slow to anger and quick to forgive, it's now the reverse: they
are quick to anger and slow to forgive, if ever.

We should not be surprised to experience all these. In fact, we have
to expect them and just be prepared for them, not wasting too much
time lamenting about this predicament. If Christ himself, dubbed as
perfect God and perfect man, suffered the gravest case of
misunderstanding, to the point of being crucified, who are we to
complain when these misunderstandings come our way?

In our case, many can be the reasons why we easily misunderstand
others and deserve also to be misunderstood. Let's not belabor the
obvious. We just have to focus on how to handle this predicament that
seems to get worse as we go along.

We need to look at Christ and follow his way of handling
misunderstandings. He was patient with everyone. Just imagine him
having to contend even with his closest friends—the apostles—who in
spite of their closeness to him did not understand him fully most of
the time.

He just went about preaching, not minding so much how the people
responded. There were those who immediately believed him, but there
were also others who were always suspicious of him.

We should not mind so much how others would react and correspond to
our views and positions. We should just focus first on thinking,
saying and doing things as rightly as possible, in truth and in
charity, as we are told by St. Paul. (cfr. Eph 4,15)

We have to learn to behave with extreme prudence, which should not be
a cover for cowardice, since there will be times when we have to act
with great courage even at the expense of extreme suffering. Part of
this prudence is the virtue of tactfulness, of a certain restraint and
moderation in our speech and actuations. We have to learn when to
speak and when not, and how to deliver our points.

We should avoid getting involved in petty controversies. Rather, we
should focus on issues and points that unite us rather than dwelling
long on those that divide us. Let our assertions and clarifications be
done in delicacy, which does not mean that we cannot be forceful.

For this, we need to be humble. A proud and conceited person, who
always wants to have the last say, cannot avoid getting into
wranglings. A humble person would be in a better position to see
things more objectively and judge them more fairly. He is quick to
correct himself when he is mistaken, and to forgive those who may
misunderstand him.

We should be magnanimous to those who misunderstand us. “If anyone
forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles,” Christ said. (Mt
5,41) We have to drown evil with an abundance of good.

We should be convinced that sooner or later some form of our
vindication will take place as well as the proper resolution of the
issues involved, if not here then in the hereafter. Let's just be
patient, just as God is patient with us!

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