Teaching them to fly

AS chaplain for high school boys, I sometimes view my work as helping young birds who still prefer to stay in their nests to start flying. These adolescents already have enough feathers to move around, at least in some short distances. What’s needed is coordination and the will to fly, and the will to continue growing to maturity.

            This is not, of course, an easy thing to do. These young boys, for all their show of bravado, are actually delicate and sensitive, full of doubts, questions and uncertainties. And worse, they already have the power to answer back.

           

            Finding the right balance between force and tenderness can be very tricky, like walking on a tightrope. But I think the right thing to do is to simply talk with them as much and as often as possible, and try to win their confidence. It’s to be friends with them without losing the distinction between mentor and mentee, teacher and student, parent and child.

            For this, a lot of patience and understanding is needed, plus, of course, a lot of creativity and sense of mastery and direction as to the goals these young boys ought to reach.

            Patience and understanding, because we have to contend with many forces and impulses in play in their system that often throw them and us into confusion and emotional stress. It always pays to rein in our feelings and worries, because emotional outbursts can only worsen the situation.

            But we need as much as possible to be clear about what can be done for these young boys. They can fall under an infinite series of possible predicaments. They can be bright but lazy, scholarly but not sociable, articulate but very opinionated, athletic but vain, etc., etc.

            They can be imaginative and artistic, but do not have the proper work discipline, or sense of order and priority. They often wallow in complacency, contented with just a passing mark, not fully developing the talents and potentials they have, preferring to say in the nest.

            We have to help them establish firm study habits as well as skills in praying. Their spirituality is a crucial part of their upbringing, especially nowadays when the youth are buffeted with merely material and worldly values.

            It’s clear that they have to be known as intimately as possible, that is, individually and personally. We have to know their assets and liabilities, their attitudes and motivations, their way of thinking and looking at things in general, and try to plot out a strategy that would be fit and doable for them.

            And the earlier these boys realize that such is the ideal condition to have, the better. Thus, it would be good that even from their childhood days, they understand this point well, not only in the context of the family, but also in the context of the school.

           

            They have to learn to have trust and confidence in their teachers and mentors in school as well. I believe it is a mark of educational success when teachers and mentors manage to win the confidence of their students, such that the boys feel free to confide things to them. But, of course, this is a long and gradual process that should not be set aside.

            There really should be very close coordination between the families and the school, and thus over and above the activities of students in school, there should be a parallel set of pertinent activities between parents and the school officials.

            A lot of monitoring and discussion of issues and problems is needed, and therefore should be maintained and fostered. The appropriate structures and programs should be made, but seeing to it that they are animated by a genuine personal touch, and do not freeze into some bureaucratic routine.

            The education, upbringing and formation of children, especially when they already are at the brink of adulthood, is definitely a joint effort of many parties, involving not only parents and the school, but also the community in general.

            There also is great need to monitor the changes and developments in the environment, and to know how to blend both tradition and the new things that always come. Parents and teachers should be very open to these new developments. They should be experts in assessing both the good and dangerous aspects of these developments.

            I suppose we cannot avoid the generation gap, but we should try our best to soften its negative effects on the children. Family get-togethers should be fostered. These and many others can really help in making these growing boys fly as mature and responsible adults.