The spiral of egoism

I GOT into singing very early in life. As kids, my brothers and I would just pick up any song we would hear over the radio, and start singing it, often with fractured lyrics.

My father would be most amused. I remember a younger brother singing his version of Matt Monro’s “Born Free.” Completely without shame, he would sing, “Born tree, as tree as the window,” instead of “Born free, as free as the wind blows.”

I, of course, had my own blunders, but I’m not in the mood now to talk about them. But there was one song that I immediately fell in love with. I think it was sung by Sammy Davies—those in their 50s may still remember him—and its title was, “What kind of fool am I.”

It had a very soft, soothing melody, just right for my taste at that time, just enough for me to fly to the moon, and I must have sung it a million times. But there was a line there that always struck me—I remember relishing those words in my lips so much I’d go OA singing it—for it gave me an idea of what a fool is.

The line was: “It seems that I’m the only one that I’ve been thinking of.” I found the words very relevant, since I could relate them to my problem then. If I thought always of myself, I would end up quarreling always with the brothers, that’s 7 of them. If I thought less of myself, the quarrels also lessened.

Our clashes often erupted on the heels of the usual forms of egoistic foolishness—laziness, greed, envy, etc. Reflecting on those years, I find it amazing that these culprits didn’t come to us. They just seemed to have sprung from us—really, an intriguing aspect of our human condition.

So, eureka! I saw some connection, before I learned its original and distilled form from the Gospel or from any priest or nun in school. The secret to a more peaceful life for me, I sort of concluded, was to think less of myself!

Years passed quickly, and that seed of an insight also grew and developed. Of course, now it’s like an old acacia tree that looks like it will last till time’s end itself.

Now as priest, this is the advice I often give to many people who come to me telling me of their conflicts. Forget yourself, I would say. No matter how right you think you are and no matter how wrong you think the other party is, you have to think more of him or her, and love them, the way Our Lord loves all of us!

Of course, this is easier said than done. So I have to give some concrete indications with more immediate and direct effects. My favorite is to hold one’s horses, to control one’s emotions, to restrain one’s provoked feelings, to delay reacting to a problem until one is in better control of his senses.

And then to pray hard, think, study and try to discover those points in the conflict that can help in bridging the gap. There must be those points. Not everything can be bad and negative. Then offer sacrifices. Ask the intercession of saints, etc. In short, go to our Lord.

I think that idea is born directly from our Lord’s words: “Come to me, all you that labor and are burdened, and I will refresh you. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me, because I am meek and humble of heart…” (Mt 11,28-29)

I think these words are not meant to apply only on some occasions. They are meant for all spells of difficulty we may find ourselves in.

In the first place, our nature and constitution, what with our spiritual aspect, requires us to set our sights and thoughts outside of ourselves. The moment we look too much into ourselves, we spin a spiral of egoism that can be very dangerous, even fatal, to us.

And then our Lord himself commanded us to love God with all our might and others as ourselves. We cannot remain simply loving our own selves.

The home where we truly can lay our hat, feel secure and most happy, is not in ourselves. It’s in our communion with God and with others. We need to get out of that spiral that plunges us deeper into ourselves, poisons our thoughts, and detaches us from others, and especially from God, the ultimate Other.