AT least two books on loneliness were reviewed recently in an American newspaper, indicating a rise of interest in this subject that seems to afflict a growing number of people.
It can’t be denied that a sense of loneliness can seize a person at any moment. It can come not only in a bleak, rainy evening, or when one so close just passed away. It can descend even when one is in a party, a family dinner or in the middle of a frenzied shopping.
Loneliness by John T. Cacioppo and William Patrick (Norton, 317 pages) and Loneliness as a Way of Life by Thomas Dumm (Harvard, 193 pages) try to dissect this intriguing phenomenon, analyzing its causes and even exploring its possible meaning and significance in our lives.
I’ve read some excerpts and there is no doubt that the book come as a result of thorough study and research. These things are always welcome. Data culled from these studies at least serve for something.
My only reservation is that with all the gargantuan effort to know about the subject as scientifically as possible, there is hardly any or no reference at all to the part that religion plays in it.
Certainly, there are physiological, psychological, personal and social factors that go into this disturbing trend. But to leave the spiritual aside is, I think, not just a matter of missing a button, but rather to discard the most important aspect.
Loneliness has its roots in the spiritual emptiness that people knowingly or unknowingly suffer. And spiritual emptiness is not just an absence of spiritual activities. A person may be deep in thinking, reflecting, willing, wanting, etc., but still feels empty.
This occurs when in spite of the vigorous spiritual activities, a person still fails to get to the irreducible foundation and the ultimate purpose of life and things.
Without this foundation and a sense of following a North Star in life, no amount of activities, physical or spiritual, can fill him with peace, joy and a sense of being in communion with others. They only cover but not fill the void inside. They can only give a quick fix but not a permanent answer to a human need.
Truth is we are not made to be alone. Our subjectivity—the fact that we can make our own conscious world—is not meant to make us alone, but rather to connect us with others, God especially, in the deepest, most intimate way.
Our togetherness, for sure, is not just a physical one or a mechanical one. It’s not even a socio-political one. It is a union of life and love, what is precisely called as communion, a term we need to be more familiar with.
That’s our goal. That’s where our perfection is achieved, where the deepest longing of our heart gets its ultimate reward. But what usually happens these days? We see a lot of people, smart and clever, using all their best powers to reinforce their self-seeking, self-assertion, and self-absorption.
People are walling themselves in their own world. Their forays and ventures outside their walled cities are done for no other purpose than to strengthen their own selfhood.
And this communion is possible only when it is anchored on God, the original and absolute other, the beginning, middle and end of our life. Short of this, any attempt to achieve communion and to avoid loneliness is doomed.
That’s the reason why Christ, when queried what the greatest commandment was, said: “You shall love the Lord your God with your whole heart, and with your whole soul, and with your whole mind.”
And he continued: “And the second is like to this—you shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Mt 22,37.39)
The cure to loneliness is to love. But to love properly, the way God loves us. That’s why, Christ gave out the new commandment to perfect the old one: “A new commandment I give unto you—that you love one another, as I have loved you…” (Jn 13,34)
The love that conquers loneliness can only be the love of God that should be the pattern and spirit of whatever love we have in life—be it with a person, for our work and country, etc.
It’s a love in truth and goes all the way to the cross, to giving up one’s life here on earth!
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