Forceful yet gentle

IN our discussions and exchanges, especially when we have

to sort out differences and settle conflicts, it always pays to be

gentle in our ways even as we like to be forceful in advancing our

views. Good manners always pays.

  

            It should never be set aside even if the other parties do

not practice it. That would be their problem, not ours. No matter how

right one thinks he is in his views or how wrong the others are in

theirs, we has no reason to bully others to submit to our opinions,

nor to resort to ironies, sarcasm, personal attacks, character

assassinations, bitter zeal, etc.

  

            Gentleness does not take away the forcefulness of our

arguments. It, in fact, would make our views clearer and more

attractive. It would foster a sober, deeper and more meaningful

dialogue.

  

            Gentleness is not the contrast of forcefulness. Both can

get together quite well. With gentleness, the pursuit for the truth,

for what is fair and just, would be greatly facilitated. And unity and

charity would be maintained even if the differences remain. Friendship

and good relations are not destroyed. Bluntly said, gentleness is

always the winner’s quality, not the loser’s.

  

            Gentleness enables us to listen more and better, to be

more keenly discerning of the subtle nuances of the discussion, and

thus to react properly. It facilitates a better understanding of the

issues at hand and of the persons involved.

  

            It helps us to keep a more global picture and perspective

of things such that we would be restrained to give merely impulsive,

short-sighted responses. Yes, it effectively checks on our tendency to

fall into Pavlovian reactions, especially when we feel provoked and

threatened.

             It lends itself to better thinking and judgments, as well

as to better tact, prudence and discretion. Rash judgments and a loose

grasp of the issues would be avoided. With it, the tongue, emotions

and passions are better controlled and supervised. It makes the

discussions, no matter how conflictive, amenable, and not immediately

brought to a dead-end, which is what usually happens when the

exchanges get too hot for comfort.

  

            Besides, Christ highlighted this quality of gentleness

when he made it one of the beatitudes by saying that “Blessed are the

meek, for they shall inherit the earth.” (Mt 5,5) It’s an intriguing

assertion, given the usual bias we have about meekness. But Christ is

very clear about what meekness can bring about. With it we shall

inherit the earth!

  

            We should have no doubt about the effectiveness and the

many advantages we can get from being gentle and meek in our

discussions and exchanges. Yes, we may have to bear certain

inconveniences that gentleness and meekness can occasion in the short

run, but to be sure, in the long run, it assures us of victory.

  

            We really need to learn and develop this virtue. And the

given the temper of the times when we are pressured always to be

assertive and dominating if we want to get ahead, we really would need

some stronger motive and significant effort to learn to be gentle and

meek.

             We can always start by making an effort to think first

before we speak, or to keep the tone of our voice or of our writing

warm and friendly always, to develop a good sense of timing as to when

to speak and when to keep quiet at least for a while, etc.

             We need to develop the allied virtues of patience and

temperance, simplicity and humility. We have to instill in ourselves

that attitude spelled out one time by St. Paul when he said: “Do

nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but with humility of mind regard

one another as more important than yourselves.” (Phil 2,3)

             In other words, we have to aim at serving the common good

always, not just our own interest. We always need to consider the

interest of the others.