HOW would we know if we have a big
ego? One way is to see
how we react when our ego get bruised, that is, when we are insulted,
mocked, ridiculed, humiliated, or when we commit mistakes, suffer
failures, get misunderstood, etc.
If we happen to feel very bad because of these
occurrences, we already have some signs that indicate we have a big
ego. When we spend a lot of time lamenting and complaining about them,
brooding and ruing—that’s another sign we can have a big ego.
It can mean that we do not want to suffer, as if suffering
has no purpose at all in this life. It can mean that our understanding
of our life and its purpose is very limited, and is almost exclusively
tied to good things only and nice feelings, victories and successes.
It can mean that we are hooked to a very subtle anomaly
called perfectionism or triumphalism. The disorder of perfectionism
usually afflicts some so-called “good” and “pious” people, those who
are regarded as rightists and conservatives. They are usually seen as
being very strict and fastidious, but the truth is they often have a
scrupulous conscience that leads them to be narrow-minded and rigid in
their ways.
They are prone to make rash judgments and end up bitter
and irritable. It would be no wonder that they feel isolated like an
island detached from the continent, and any show of sociability is
simply just that, a show, an act, a performance, devoid of the proper
substance and spirit.
Another sign of a big ego is when we start calculating
what we have done to others who seem not to appreciate our good deeds
and in fact appear to be ungrateful and even hostile to us. In other
words, we keep some kind of scoring card, which means that our good
deeds are not actually done gratuitously. They go with a price.
This is truly unfortunate because the patience and
endurance, which we so far may have gone through, have broken. We did
not make the full course. We did not go the distance.
Still another sign is when we find it hard to forgive and
forget, and to move on. What is worse is when we have great urges to
make revenge. In other words, we are keeping grudges and resentment.
We wallow in bitterness and hatred.
We should do all to fight against our tendency to develop
a big ego. And the way to do it is simply to identify ourselves more
and more with Christ who went through all the abominations of human
misdeeds and yet continues to love us, to forgive us and to be
magnanimous.
It would be good if we are constantly meditating on the
example of Christ, especially on his passion and death, and to pray
for grace so we can manage to contain our egos and be truly humble. We
cannot deny that deep within us still lurks the ‘old man’ whose ego
just wants to grow and grow endlessly.
how we react when our ego get bruised, that is, when we are insulted,
mocked, ridiculed, humiliated, or when we commit mistakes, suffer
failures, get misunderstood, etc.
If we happen to feel very bad because of these
occurrences, we already have some signs that indicate we have a big
ego. When we spend a lot of time lamenting and complaining about them,
brooding and ruing—that’s another sign we can have a big ego.
It can mean that we do not want to suffer, as if suffering
has no purpose at all in this life. It can mean that our understanding
of our life and its purpose is very limited, and is almost exclusively
tied to good things only and nice feelings, victories and successes.
It can mean that we are hooked to a very subtle anomaly
called perfectionism or triumphalism. The disorder of perfectionism
usually afflicts some so-called “good” and “pious” people, those who
are regarded as rightists and conservatives. They are usually seen as
being very strict and fastidious, but the truth is they often have a
scrupulous conscience that leads them to be narrow-minded and rigid in
their ways.
They are prone to make rash judgments and end up bitter
and irritable. It would be no wonder that they feel isolated like an
island detached from the continent, and any show of sociability is
simply just that, a show, an act, a performance, devoid of the proper
substance and spirit.
Another sign of a big ego is when we start calculating
what we have done to others who seem not to appreciate our good deeds
and in fact appear to be ungrateful and even hostile to us. In other
words, we keep some kind of scoring card, which means that our good
deeds are not actually done gratuitously. They go with a price.
This is truly unfortunate because the patience and
endurance, which we so far may have gone through, have broken. We did
not make the full course. We did not go the distance.
Still another sign is when we find it hard to forgive and
forget, and to move on. What is worse is when we have great urges to
make revenge. In other words, we are keeping grudges and resentment.
We wallow in bitterness and hatred.
We should do all to fight against our tendency to develop
a big ego. And the way to do it is simply to identify ourselves more
and more with Christ who went through all the abominations of human
misdeeds and yet continues to love us, to forgive us and to be
magnanimous.
It would be good if we are constantly meditating on the
example of Christ, especially on his passion and death, and to pray
for grace so we can manage to contain our egos and be truly humble. We
cannot deny that deep within us still lurks the ‘old man’ whose ego
just wants to grow and grow endlessly.
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