Friday, December 6, 2013

Masculinity and femininity

I’M afraid I’m treading on dangerous ground here. It’s a very
delicate topic, especially nowadays when the sensitivity of a good
number of people has grown thin and volatile.

    My previous forays into this topic has invariably elicited strong
reactions, often leading to acrimonious and bitter discussions that
deteriorated to ad hominems, complete with bitchy tones, and
abandoning the objective aspects of the issue at hand.

    It’s a pity because I always hold that no matter how different and
conflicting our views are, or how wrong we feel the other party is, we
are always bound to be together and obliged to love one another.
Charity, we have to remember, is always above whatever differences and
conflicts we may have among ourselves.

    We just have to sort out the differences, slowly, prudently and
charitably, in the effort to arrive at the real and ultimate truth
about certain matters that should be good for all of us. Certain
truths are of an absolute and universal nature. Others can be open to
opinions and preferences.

    What provoked this particular column was the news item about a recent
study done somewhere abroad that concluded that the brains of men and
women are hardwired differently.

    Thus, it says, men are found with greater spatial skills, while women
with greater verbal skills. Since I’m no expert in this field, I leave
the technical analysis of this study to those who are better equipped
and trained to assess the details.

    The study, by the way, is still in the pioneering stage, and so it is
still in need of review and critique by respective peers, experts and
professional scientists. Offhand, what I can say is that it merely
reinforces the obvious—that a human person is either male or female,
with differences not only in genitals, hormonal make-up, body
structure, etc., but also in character, temperament, ways, manners,
etc.

    That much, the Bible already told us since time immemorial. “God
created man to his image. To the image of God he created him, male and
female he created them.” (Gen 1,27)

    The passage tells us that both man and woman have been created in
God’s image, and are therefore equal but different from each other. We
need to emphasize both the fundamental equality and difference between
the two so we can always be true to our nature.

    The difference is meant to generate the dynamics of complementarity,
not isolationism and self-centeredness, so as to attain and maintain
the ideal of equality and mutual growth and development. We should
always reinforce this difference, but orienting it towards
complementarity.

    But we should also remember that the basic equality is not meant to
erase the difference between the two such that we may think that the
ideal human person is neither male nor female, or that the ideal human
person is both at the same time male and female.

    This latter thinking now seems to be verified when a news item
reported that a good number of young Americans enrolling in the
universities recently have left unanswered the question regarding
their sex or gender. It’s as if they want to say, “Go, figure…”

    This, for sure, is one of the signs of the times challenging us to
find ways of how to handle this predicament. We need to be more aware
now of our duty to reinforce in a more explicit way the masculinity
and femininity of everyone, doing it rationally, prudently and
charitably.

    The public discussion on this topic should be ongoing since
circumstances change, mentalities and attitudes shift, We need to know
which in this issue is essential and should not change, and which are
the incidentals that can change.

    What makes for manliness and what makes for womanliness should now be
more articulated since a lot of confusion is descending on us these
days. Nowadays we can see a lot of men who are effeminate, and also
women who are mannish. And many times with their same-sex partners. We
cannot ignore this development anymore.

    In more developed countries, the corresponding ideologies and systems
are already forming and are exerting tremendous influence on the
populace, especially the young and impressionable ones. It’s clear
that this issue cannot anymore be taken for granted.

    But for sure, the discussion and exchanges of views should be done
properly. We need to be watchful with our words, tone and sense of
timing. Life, as we know, always involves some struggle, but hopefully
it is a struggle in truth and charity, pursued in love and respect for
one another regardless…

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Childhood and maturity

WE need to be clear about what makes for our human maturity, and how being like a child enters into the equation. The Bible, for one, is full of citations linking childhood with maturity and perfection, or at least with the ticket to enter heaven. Many people have been wondering what this apparently contradicting idea is all about.

            In the Gospel of St. Matthew, for example, we can read the following very enlightening words of Christ:

            “Who thinkest thou is the greater in the kingdom of heaven?’ And Jesus calling unto him a little child, set him in the midst of them, and said: ‘Amen I say to you, unless you be converted, and become as little children, you shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, he is the greater in the kingdom of heaven.’” (18,1-4)

            We have to explode the myth that for us to attain our Christian maturity and perfection, we have to be an adult in age, with many years of experience, or popular in some religious ways, or knowledgeable about philosophy and theology. All these are helpful, but they are not the crucial elements.

            What is essential is that our heart is fully conformed to God’s will, our life therefore somehow reflecting God’s goodness and holiness. And the child, with his inherent innocence and purity of heart, simplicity and openness, among other qualities, has the advantage of easily attaining that ideal almost effortlessly.

            To be sure, what is being referred to here about childhood is not about the common proneness of the children to be naïve, thoughtless, or to get easily spoiled and to fall into tantrums when whims and caprices are not met.

            It’s just the child’s humility, transparency and docility, among others, that make him easily drawn to God, and to the things spiritual and supernatural. These qualities lead him to believe and to trust. Talk to him about God, prayer and little sacrifices, and he gets it almost immediately and automatically.

            Even if such qualities do not gain him much worldly knowledge or power or fame, or even if they exist together with a number of limitations and imperfections, the child, and anyone who lives these qualities of a child, become attractive in the eyes of God who, on his part, will always be moved to give him more graces and blessings.

            Remember Christ saying, “I give you praise, Father, Lord, of heaven and earth, for although you have hidden these things from the wise and the learned you have revealed them to the childlike. Yes, Father, such has been your gracious will.” (Lk 10,21)

            We have to be convinced that retaining and deepening these childlike qualities as we grow in age and stature is a necessity for us. We have to be most careful of the all-and-sundry factors that can melt away these childlike traits as we gain knowledge and become more aware of the great powers of our intelligence and will.

            The temptations are always there to loosen our hold of this fundamental truth about spiritual childhood. We will be charmed by the different allurements of the world that tend to deaden our sense of the spiritual, the sacred and the supernatural.

            We will be persuaded that we would be better off if we play the games of deception and dominance, if we act out the drama of envy and revenge, if we succumb to the sweet poison of self-seeking, self-assertion, self-absorption.

            We will be told that there actually is no shame in pursuing the lusts of the flesh and the world. In fact, we would gain more things, and joy and pleasure would go the max. In contrast, those who stick to an ancient and irrelevant creed are the ones having a hard time in life.

            We have to be ready to do battle to these subtle snares of the devil, the world and our own weakened and wounded flesh. Spiritual childhood is not a state that comes to us automatically. It has to be pursued and fought for, protected and defended.

            Thus, we are told by Christ himself, “Behold, I send you as sheep in the midst of wolves. Be you therefore wise as serpents and simple as doves.” (Mt 10,16)

            Learning to be a child is actually easy because in the first place, God’s grace is always assured. We just have to fill our mind and heart with goodness and love, and repulse any temptation immediately, and stay away from complicated reasoning that seeks our self-justification rather than being justified by God.


Tuesday, December 3, 2013

The zeal of love

WE have to make sure that we are always burning with the zeal of love. We have the danger to fall easily into complacency, lukewarmness, mediocrity. We should always be on the lookout for these perils.

            We need to fill our mind and heart with love, and all that love brings—goodness, patience, understanding and compassion, mercy, gratuitous acts of service, generosity and magnanimity.

            Yes, there’s effort involved here. Great, tremendous effort, in fact. But all this stands first of all on the terra firma that is God’s grace, which is always given to us in abundance if we care to ask and receive it. Nothing human, no matter how well done, would prosper unless it is infused also with God’s grace.

            We have to be wary of conforming ourselves, whether openly or subtly, intentionally or mindlessly, to worldly ways, to mere social trends, or to some inertia generated merely physically, hormonally, economically, politically, culturally, historically, etc.

            We need to be most aware and sensitive to these dangers which are so common as to be part of what we call normal in life. Let’s train ourselves to smell out their symptoms and their approaches as soon as they arise. And then be quick to resist them.

            The zeal of love should always come out fresh from the heart, fresh from its real and ultimate source who is God. It’s always new, original, virginal, creative and productive. Love, if it is real, can never grow old and stale, it cannot be just a copycat. It likes to renew itself perpetually, without getting tired.

            It always likes to be better, to do and give oneself more. Its motto can very well be captured in the message of an old song that says today should always be better than yesterday, and tomorrow better than today.

            And even if that love is meant to be shown, shared and given to everyone, it cannot be promiscuous. It’s always pure, wholehearted and faithful to the end, not divided, fractured, inconstant and fleeting. This is the magic of love which can come about only when it springs from the love of God.

            This is the love vividly described once by St. Paul in the following words: “Charity (love) is patient, kind, it envies not, deals not perversely, is not puffed up, is not ambitious, seeks not her own, is not provoked to anger, thinks no evil, rejoices not in iniquity but rejoices with the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Cor 13,4-7)

            We should disabuse ourselves from the thought that this kind of love is inhuman, is impractical and impracticable, is not realistic or is up in the clouds, abstract, disconnected from the realities on the ground, or otherwise, that it is fanatical or triumphalistic.

            Though these fears can have basis when the love one has is not the real one, the truth is that when love is real, that is, that it is the one that comes from God, it cannot but be the most human thing to have and to do, the most practical and realistic, always attentive to the real and objective, not the false and subjective needs of men.

            It is this kind of love that would drive us to know people and things deeply and comprehensively. It does not get stuck with our biases, preferences and our human capabilities. Rather it transcends them, even at the cost of great sacrifices.

            It does not shy away from challenges and difficulties no matter how big or impossible they are. That’s because it is not only human love, but also divine love, since it is infused with the omnipotence of God with whom nothing is impossible.

            That love would lead us to know others thoroughly. It’s not contented with knowing others superficially, casually, inconstantly. It keeps us to know others ever more deeply, going into concrete and specific conditions of the people. It will never say enough.

            That love would also lead us to deal with others properly, loving them all the way to showing them details of affection and understanding, quick to forgive, to find excuses rather than finding faults, to find reasons and impulses to reconcile and unite rather than to remain indifferent because of our unavoidable differences, etc.

            Finesse, refinement and extreme delicacy are not only optional in a love like this. They are the necessary packaging, without which that love is not complete and consummated.

            Love prevents us from getting tired, and though we die one day, it prepares and launches us to eternal life.