Fidelity and the changing world

WE need to understand that fidelity to any
commitment—whether to marriage and family, or a company, or an
organization, and especially to a charism and vocation—has to contend
with the obvious fact of life that there is also change.

            Life is in a constant flux, and our sense of fidelity and
commitment should know how to cope with this reality without getting
lost.

            Fidelity should not just be a matter of blind adherence to
certain principles and promises. It has to be understood in a dynamic
way that requires constant vigilance and monitoring of new
developments, a continuing process of renewal and purification, of
adjusting and adapting, of loosening certain things while tightening
the essentials.

            Of course, when we talk about fidelity we refer primarily
to something that should not change. We should be very clear about
what would comprise as essential and necessary in any commitment, and
what would simply be incidental. The former should be held permanently
no matter what, while the latter may or even should change.

            Even in the matter of fidelity and commitment to a certain
charism, we have to be most discerning about what is essential in it
and what is not. That’s because no matter how spiritual and
supernatural it is, when it impacts into our life, it can’t help but
be received in human terms that always can stand further deepening and
purifying.

            This is not to mention that later on, the same commitment
is understood, expressed and lived in different ways, depending on all
kinds of circumstances, factors and conditions we are all subject to.

            For example, the same charism may be lived differently
according to the different cultures of the people involved, and other
factors like the social environment, historical background, not to
mention, personal circumstances, etc.

            A charism in the 16th century, one that has developed into
a kind of structure through the years, would look different now than
when it was first received. It’s still the same charism, but it
certainly has assumed many layers of conditionings that are supposed
to strengthen it, not weaken it. Fidelity to it does not mean living
it the way it was lived in the 16th century.

            For it to survive, any charism has to deal always with the
flowing changes of the world. It should not be afraid of the world,
taken the way it is, warts and all, for it is there where God is
talking to them.

            Otherwise, that charism can deteriorate into an enclosed,
introverted, pharisaical system, detached from God who also speaks to
us through the things of the world, and sooner and later would be
saddled with all sorts of legalisms, traditionalism and bureaucracy,
and even exuding a repulsive holier-than-thou aura.

            There’s a certain unity involved in being faithful to a
commitment, but a unity that is not uniformity. There’s also a certain
exclusivity involved in any commitment, but one that that is open to
the things of the world.

            This distinction is crucial, and everything should be done
to make that distinction clear, because it is very easy for us to
confuse them.

            And when we confuse them, we infringe on the legitimate
freedom of the people involved, and the charisms and spiritualities
would sooner or later become irrelevant and useless. They would lose
their vitality.

            The Church itself, born in a very dramatic way on
Pentecost, has to undergo all kinds of changes without compromising
its essence of being the Mystical Body of Christ, the People of God.
It has to contend with all kinds of historical developments.

            Its body of doctrine has grown tremendously. Its attitude
to the ethos of the different ages of its history has also changed
accordingly. While remaining the same and holy because of Christ who
is its head, its changeable aspects undeniably have gone through
continuing renewals, purifications and corrections.

            Thus, any interest in pursuing and living fidelity has to
entail a continuing clarification of what is essential and what is
not. This will require nothing less than a living contact with God who
is the quintessence of fidelity in a changing world. It certainly
would not be enough to rely solely on some philosophy or ideology.

            It would be wrong and dangerous either to focus simply on
the essential core of the commitment, the subject of fidelity, without
making reference to the changing circumstances, or vice-versa, to
focus exclusively on the changing circumstances without clarifying the
essential core.

            Both the essential and the incidentals, the permanent and
the changeable have to be continually clarified for fidelity to any
commitment to be achieved.

Our highs and lows

IN life, we cannot help but have high moments and low
moments, good times and bad times. There are days when we are full of
zeal and things, even the most difficult, appear easy to do. There are
also days when we feel listless, such that even the simplest thing
seems to require gigantic, heroic effort, requiring nothing less than
martyrdom.

            This is part of our human condition, and many causes and
factors can explain that phenomenon. They can be both internal and
external to us, spiritual and material, or physical, emotional,
psychological, social, historical, etc. They can be beyond our
control.

            It’s crucial that we don’t get rattled before this fact of
life. Even in the worst scenarios, there is always hope. The worst of
things cannot be too bad unless we want it to be. And the reason is
that ultimately, we are all subject to God’s all-powerful, wise,
merciful providence whose sole purpose is to bring all men and things
to him.

            It’s important that we maintain a certain stability and
not lose our identity and sense of purpose in spite of these gyrations
which can become wild and erratic. Usually, the ups and downs are not
that often, since our normal state always seeks some kind of constancy
in life. But we need to be ready when these unavoidable swings come.

            Thus, a basic attitude to have is to be sport in life.
Yes, we should try to play as hard as we can to win, to score points,
to reach our goals. But we should never forget that we can also lose,
or fail, in spite of our best efforts.

            But we just have to move on, knowing how to get along with
life, however it may unfold to us, always relying on God’s grace and
mercy. This sporting spirit helps us to focus on what is truly
necessary to us, and not to get entangled with what are merely
incidental in life, or at best are simply means and occasions to what
is life’s essential purpose—to know, love and serve God that redounds
to loving everybody else.

            I like to think of this sporting spirit as the integration
of all the gifts God gives us and the virtues that we have to develop.
It is the very expression of the interplay of faith, hope and charity,
and all the other virtues of fortitude, prudence, humility,
simplicity, obedience, order, etc.

            It’s this sporting spirit that would enable us to be
overcome our awkwardness and to infuse us with a certain elegance and
poise especially in some difficult moments. It would enable us to have
enough humor without getting frivolous and losing our sobriety.

            We have to reassure ourselves that we are still capable of
a normal state of stability in spite of the vagaries of life. First,
because we have some spiritual faculties, namely our intelligence and
will, that, in theory, are exempt from the ups and downs of life,
precisely because they are spiritual.

            We just have to make sure that we do not allow these
faculties to be held captive or fully dominated by our varying earthly
and material conditions. We should not allow them to be at the mercy
of mere sentimentalism, or some disordinate attachments to earthly
things, not even to our most brilliant but purely human philosophies,
ideologies, etc.

            That’s why we have to be always on guard, always praying
or being in the presence of God. This would enable us to discern what
God is trying to show us regarding how to react and behave in the
different circumstances and situations of our life.

            These powers, given to us by God our Creator and Father,
would enable us to hold on to the eternal and universal truths,
irrespective of how these truths are interpreted, understood and lived
in the different ages, cultures and lifestyles of the people.

            When properly engaged with their source, pattern, laws and
purpose, who is no one else but God, these powers would enable us to
avoid getting spoiled because of our successes in life as well as
falling into despair when we suffer defeats.

            When properly used, these powers would enable us to find
meaning and purpose in everything that can happen to us in life. They
would enable us to live what St. Paul once said: “To them that love
God, all things work together unto good…” (Rom 8,28)

            We have to do everything to hook these spiritual powers
with God, and avoid the dangers of subordinating them to merely
passing circumstances of our earthly life.

When a marriage sours

IT’S truly depressing when we hear about a marriage going sour. What
began as a happy event, complete with fervent affirmations of love,
commitment and self-giving, now looks dry and lifeless, and even
showing traces of hostility.

But we should never allow sadness, let alone discouragement to
dominate us. Failures in life are at best temporary, unless we persist
in making them permanent. There is always hope. Solutions to problems
are always available. Cures and remedies to whatever is wrong are all
there for the asking.

We need to face marital problems with hope and optimism. And so, we
need to review a few points to put this issue in its proper
perspective with the view of helping everyone involved in these
cases—the spouses themselves and those who are in a position to help,
like relatives, friends, priests, counselors—resolve the issue
effectively.

First of all, we have to look into how couples are prepared for
marriage. The couples themselves have to be sure it’s true love that
leads them to make a lifelong and all- embracing commitment of
marriage.

This love cannot be other than a vital sharing of the love of God, who
is the very source, pattern, end and power of love. When this
fundamental principle is not clear, we would already have a big
problem in the making.

All the pre-marriage classes and seminars given by the parishes and
other groups should clarify the true nature and character of marriage
as well as its purpose and essential properties of unity and
indissolubility.

They should explain why marriage based on true love is very important
for the health of the family and of society. Moreover, it should be
made clear that marriage is actually a divine vocation, a true, heroic
path to sanctity for the couple, where their relation with God is very
much at play.

Since it is also a sacrament for the Catholics, marriage is where
Christ himself acts as guarantor for its vitality and fruitfulness.
Especially when problems and difficulties come, the couples have to be
assured of Christ’s grace and support.

The couples have to understand then that marriage has to be
approached with a theological mind using spiritual and supernatural
means, and not just with some purely human motives using merely
material and human means.

They have to understand that to keep their marriage going, the couples
need to have first of all as an indispensable requirement a healthy
spiritual life, based on prayer, sacrifice, recourse to the
sacraments, study of the doctrine, and that attitude of welcoming a
continuing process of conversion throughout life.

They have to realize that they need to bank on some effective program
of spiritual growth through an on-going system of formation, nourished
by specific acts of piety.

They need to continue developing their love for each other, each one
“conquering” each other every day by looking for things that would
make the other feel loved. The courtship should never end, but should
rather evolve into more mature manifestations.

It is in this way that they will keep their love young and strong,
ever renewed and able to cope with changing circumstances and
situations. Even if physically they will unavoidably suffer decline,
their love will continue to be vibrant and creative.

Love, if it’s true and is taken seriously, is always inventive. It
knows how to find ways to enter into the heart of the other spouse. No
event, whether of the successful type or the opposite, would be a
hindrance for love to express itself and grow.

All concerns, trials, challenges and difficulties are faced and
tackled with love as the be-all and end-all. They should never be
pursued purely on the technical level or for some practical purposes
alone.

The search for work and financial stability, for example, should be
inspired and subordinated to the love of the spouse and the family. If
that search would undermine the love due to the spouse and the family,
then it would not be worthwhile.

Obviously, sacrifices will be involved in marriage and family life.
Everyone should try his or her best to be generous in this area. But
to be realistic, everyone should also be prudent enough to assess up
to what point the other spouse can take in terms of sacrifices.

That’s why constant, intimate dialogue between spouses is a must.
Everything has to be done to facilitate that dialogue, making it as
pleasant and positive as possible. The art of tactful discussion
should be learned carefully, considering the varying temperaments,
moods, physical and emotional states the couple can find themselves
in.