Be accepting but always helpful

THIS is the attitude to have when dealing with others. We

will always have to contend with a great variety of persons, some of
whom we click, others we don’t. But we have to learn to be accepting
of everyone, whoever, however he is, warts and all, but always mindful
of our duty to help him in his needs in whatever way we can.

            We have to cultivate this attitude because it does not
come to us quite easily. We need to discipline ourselves, reining in
our personal preferences and idiosyncrasies, our feelings and
interests so that they can acquire a more universal, welcoming and
friendly mode, whatever the circumstances, whatever the differences
and conflicts.

            We have to be careful because many times our gifts,
talents and other natural endowments, our sense of correctness and
propriety can lead us to build our own world of interests and
preferences, our own exclusive circle of friends, instead of
contributing and strengthening our common good, irrespective of how we
feel about this duty. They can build walls instead of bridges.

            We have the tendency to apply to ourselves the adage,
‘Birds of a feather flock together,’ which is unfair to both the birds
and us, for the simple reason that we are not birds, and birds are not
men. We are expected, nay, obliged, to behave better than the birds.
That adage, if made a principle of our life, is highly discriminatory.

            We need to learn to be all things to all men, no matter
how different others can be from us. In fact, the differences and
conflicts, rather than causing discord and division, should trigger
the dynamics of love, understanding, patience, mercy, compassion, etc.
that leads to the unity proper to all of us, since in the end we are
all brothers and sisters, and children of God.

            Those differences and conflicts should strengthen the need
for dialogue, for more gestures and better ways of affection and
friendly contacts. The lines of communication should never be set
aside no matter how big our differences are.

            Those differences and conflicts should not be allowed to
cause feelings of estrangement and alienation, of indifference and
evasion from one another. In a certain sense, they should rather
provoke the sentiments of attraction, rightly following the law of the
magnet.

            Saints, holy men and women down the ages have behaved in
this way. An anecdote about St. Therese of the Child Jesus, for
example, precisely shows how she would treat in a special way another
nun in her convent who was particularly hostile to her.

            To be sure, this is highly possible and practicable. This
is no pipe dream. In the first place, we are assured of God’s grace
for this task. God is never sparing in this. We just have to be aware
that we need to ask for this grace in our prayers, and from there,
start to do our part. So, we should pray and constantly beg for this
grace.

            Then, we are endowed with spiritual powers, namely, our
intelligence and will, that would enable us even to transcend our
human limitations and natural conditionings, so that our individuality
and uniqueness can somehow acquire a universal applicability. We are
endowed with enough powers to be able to work as we should in any
weather, fair or ugly.

            With all these resources, we can actually develop the
relevant qualities and virtues. We have to learn how and when to be
tough and gentle, strict and lenient, sensitive and insensitive. We
need to know when to be patient and impatient, tolerant and
intolerant.

            We have to be quick to find something good in others and
points of unity and common interest even in the worst of scenarios.
These are never lacking if we care to look for them.

            Let’s avoid getting stuck with the divisive issues, and
much less, magnifying them. In this regard, we have to have a good
grip on our emotions and temper. It always pays to be calm and sober
when dealing with conflictive situations. More than that, we have to
learn to remain warm, cheerful and affable in these moments.

            We have to learn the art of small talk, filled with
sincere friendliness. Even when we are misunderstood or insulted, let
us remain calm, because fire is not put off with another fire, but
with water. If we are attacked and are forced to defend ourselves,
let’s do so calmly, never compromising the objectivity of the issues.

            We need to accept everyone as he is, always attentive to
their needs, defects, mistakes, etc., so we can help them.