Charity amid conflicts

IT´S good that we are reminded of charity in our current, often heated debate on the RH issue. From time to time, we need to be told to hold our horses a bit, because even if we fervently claim to be reasonable and patient and all that, we often find ourselves on hindsight to have gone over the top.

It just amuses me though that the reminder more often springs from those who are pro-RH than from the anti-RH ranks. Shrewd politicians and astute mediamen, with their skill in timing and wording, know when and how to drop this reminder more to shame their opponents than anything else.

Charity, of course, has to be observed by everyone all the time as much as possible. It is the highest virtue and value we can have here and hereafter. But while St. Paul tells us to pursue the truth in charity, Pope Benedict also tells us in his encyclical ¨Caritas in veritate¨ that the reciprocal is also true—we have to pursue charity in the truth as well.

There´s a fine shade of meaning the Pope wants to inject here. While charity as St. Paul´s ¨is patient, is kind, envies not, deals not perversely, is not puffed up...,¨ it should not be detained in the sugary and inactive state. It also has to pursue the truth, irrespective of the costs, that can include one´s life. Like what happened to Christ.

Obviously, the task of striking the balance in a given situation is the challenge all of us face. When to be patient and impatient, tolerant and intolerant, how to blend charity with justice, justice and mercy, etc., is a skill we all have to learn. I believe that it is a product of grace before anything else. So, I always recommend prayers before action.

I imagine that in spite of all our good intentions and best efforts to be nice and charitable, we cannot avoid tension and some cuts and thrusts that produce scratches at least, if not some wounds. Our dialogues, especially on some contentious issues, cannot avoid these.

What we should try to do then is to be as transparent as we can be in our discussions, laying our cards on the table so everyone would know where we are coming from, avoiding even the slightest mental reservations as much as possible. This would make the dialogue focused without meandering into non-essentials.

Then we should always try to be cordial and respectful even in our sharpest differences. Charity is the whole truth. It should always prevail, even to the point of death. Obviously, before that point of death comes, we need to do a lot of self-denial, disciplining our emotions and passions, restraining our tongue and temper, etc.

We have to learn how to return the discussion to its main point when it happens to stray, as it often does. We have to be constructive, offering solutions, excuses to unavoidable mistakes and faux pas, and a way out when we find ourselves in some dead-end, rather than getting stuck in the negative and destructive.

A sporting spirit and a sense of proper timing are also necessary. Tact and an educated art of diplomacy, down to words and gestures, are indispensable. There are times when we have to keep quiet, allowing the others to consider things again.

We should always remember that we are all brothers and sisters. Even the mistakes people commit cannot erase that reality of our common humanity that obliges us in turn to love everyone. We have to be wary of the urge to demonize those who oppose us, and convert them into some caricature to be held in ridicule.

For this purpose, we need to continually remind ourselves of our fundamental fraternity, making use of human devices to remind us sharply of it, and in a way that leads us to practical options and not just remaining in good intentions.

We have to be quick to forgive, to disregard certain impertinent details that can come along the way. The truth can be presented in different ways. We just have to choose one that is most fitting to the occasion and to the kind of persons involved. This is where the discernment of spirit is most crucial, avoiding mere prudence of the flesh and of the world.

Obviouly, we have to study the issue very well, bringing it even to our prayer so that we get the proper lights and impulses on how to proceed with it. These are some ideas on how to find charity amid our conflicts.