Simulating goodness

I’VE heard this complaint a number of times. A mother says that in spite of all the good things given to her child—he was well provided for, sent to a good Catholic school, etc.—the child, now in his teens, has dropped all practices of piety.

“He was not like that when he was a child. He was prayerful, came to Mass with us, was even active as a Mass server in school. I don’t understand why he is now so different…”

I commiserate with parents with this kind of problem. Their disappointment and frustration can cut deep. And they sometimes feel helpless as to what went wrong in their parental duties.

That’s when a thorough investigation of the case should be made. For a good thing to go wrong, only very little is needed. And in the life of a person, the possibilities for good and evil arise from beginning to end of his life.

We need to look at the heart of the person involved. Or better said, persons involved, since problems like this is a result of a confluence of many factors where many people are involved, not to mention the world’s bad influences and our spiritual enemies.

It’s in the heart where the choice between good and evil is made. We have to find a way to look into the heart. And parents, being naturally close to their children, have the inside track of knowing how to read their children’s hearts.

And yet very often, as attested by many people, it is the parents that get to know last about their children’s predicament. Something—a certain kind of parental love that keeps them from going all the way in knowing their children—seems to blind them.

It’s when attention to the children does not go this far and deep that we can expect surprises. This is because in spite of the many wonderful things that our nature is capable of doing, because of its woundedness it is also capable of many malicious things.

The worst cut is that we are capable of simulating goodness to avoid detection and to pursue our selfish ends. This is already well-known and should not be ignored. Parental love should include this element of prudence.

We need to enter the heart of the children. We have to be wary of the heavily polluted environment of ours now that gives premium to appearances and worldly values while starving the spiritual ones.

Try to look at the fashion and entertainment pages of our local papers. I particularly pity the kids who can indiscriminately swallow the images and messages cluttered there day in and day out.

It’s no simplism to say that the air we breathe now is not only contaminated by material dirt. It’s heavily polluted with ideological anomalies and moral perversions. We now have to contend with sophisticated harmful elements.

Whatever innate innocence and goodness these kids have, if they are not guided while being exposed to these elements, they can’t help but, so to speak, ferment and sour.

Children are most prone to pornography, gluttony, vanity, frivolity, irresponsibility, laziness, greed, selfishness and a whole caboodle of disorders. These lead to spiritual lukewarmness, moral weakening and even loss of faith.

The factors involved in the play of these irregularities should be promptly identified and properly handled.

How children use their time, their freedom, their money, the gadgets like the Internet, etc. have to be looked into. How they think, discern and judge, how they behave and react to things should be constantly assessed, not to control but to guide.

The parents have to be ready for this challenge. They have to know how to blend the soft and hard arts of taking care of their children. They have to be demanding on themselves first, because they can’t demand on their children if they don’t know how to demand on themselves.

If they themselves are confused and lost regarding what’s good and bad, what’s right and wrong, what’s safe and dangerous, then they should not expect their children to be any better. They have to realize they need an on-going formation for this most delicate responsibility.

They need to spend time with their children. They need to be both parents and friends to their children.

Lastly, parents should not forget to use the spiritual and supernatural means—prayer, sacrifice, recourse to the sacraments, continuing ascetical struggle, etc.

In fact, the exercise of these means should be the goal to which they should encourage their children to attain.