Calibrate by charity

SOMETIME ago, a friend of mine, a layman who was an economist, told me that once he gave a basic Christian doctrine talk to a problematic 18-year-old son of a friend of his who just came in from the States.

In the middle of the talk, to my friend’s utter surprise, the boy just stood up and complained that he could not bear what he was hearing. When asked why, the boy simply said that he felt the talk just dealt him a severe blow, like being knocked out.

“But I just said very simple, basic Christian doctrine, Father,” my friend told me in disbelief. “I then realized I had to calibrate my talk further. I knew more or less where my that boy came from, and his was a hard case, but still I must have miscalculated…”

Sad to say, this phenomenon is getting rampant nowadays. The Good News of Christ, his humanizing and liberating teaching has become, in the complicated context of our times, a source of pain and agony to some people.

Of course, we know that the truth often hurts. But we should try our best not to mortify others. Christian mortification is self-pursued, done willingly. It’s not deliberately inflicted on others, though we can neither help but mortify one another.

There appears to be a reversal of things. What were wrong before are now considered right. What were good before now are seen as bad. Nowadays, you can hear some people accusing Christianity of being cruel and tyrannical.

Thus, chastity is now felt as inhuman and unnatural. And self-abuse, premarital sex, promiscuity are presumed to be normal and an integral part of life. In fact, many are questioning why bother about marriage at all.

The friend of mine felt he still had to bend over backward to effectively grapple with the needs of that young boy.

This is not to mention the drama and conflict surrounding the notorious Reproductive Health Bill, all played out in the media for everyone to see and hear. It clearly shows how truths of faith have become polarizing and divisive, not anymore unitive as they are meant to be.

This is the challenge we, especially the priests, are facing these days. It is how to balance clarity with charity, forcefulness with compassion, in an environment, why not say it, that seems to be sick. The truth really is not truth when charity does not go with it, when it fails to create and strengthen unity.

Remember the kindness, patience and mercy of our Lord: “The bruised reed he shall not break. The smoking flax he shall not extinguish.” (Mt 12,20) And, “Learn from me, because I am meek and humble of heart…For my yoke is sweet and my burden light.” (Mt 11,29-30)

And then again, we have St. Paul also saying: “To the weak I became weak, that I might gain the weak…I do all things for the gospel’s sake.” (1 Cor 9,22-23)

Of course, we know that all the charity and mercy of Our Lord did not exempt him from being misunderstood. In fact, he was, as prophesized, “a sign which shall be contradicted.”

This is what charity does. It is able to integrate a lot more elements than what our best intelligence and human cleverness can capture and tally. This can mean going all the way to dying for others, just like our Lord on the Cross when he said: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Lk 23,34)

We have to be wary with our exuberance of our sense of strength and superiority over others, be it because of our high IQ, more talents, better physical endowment, etc. We have to be extremely careful of our automatic sense of righteousness. This has to be constantly checked, purified and properly grounded.

Our attitude should be what St. Paul enunciated: “We that are stronger ought to bear the infirmities of the weak…” (Rom 15,1) And, “In humility, let each esteem others better than himself.” (Phil 2,3) After all, the strong can bear the weak, but weak can not bear the strong.

To tweak our efforts to the finer requirements of charity involves learning the skills to pray, weigh, listen, talk at the proper time, or just keep quiet otherwise, be good-mannered always, learn to be patient, double up on sacrifices, etc. Avoid arguments, but flood the environment with good doctrine.