Love stories

ONE of what I consider to be perks of my job as chaplain in a boys' school is when some of these boys just spontaneously confide to me their stories of the first stirrings of love in their heart.

I always welcome these occasions and encourage them to speak. For one I enjoy it tremendously when they start to describe how they have fallen in love—all in raw-fresh, unprocessed details reminding me of novels by Jane Austen and Emily Bronte.

Yes, young as they are, they are already quite capable of making those initial forays, often awkward and clumsy, into the vast, tricky field of love. They just need someone to listen to them. I only hope they can do it also with their own fathers. But, alas, this is not so most of the time.

I also listen to them because I know I have a big job to do with their often intoxicating predicament. There's a lot of explaining to do, of clarifying, of warning and even of scolding. Most of time, I need to give them alternatives to engage their romantic energies somewhere else.

They might appear dazed as they look like they are in some fantasy world, but I see them as souls needing a lot of help to be extended closely, perseveringly and delicately.

It's no easy job at all. The important thing for me is that they continue to have confidence in me. So even if I have to say very strong, unpleasant things to them, I have to make it clear that I'm always with them, no matter what.

Of course, I have to be quick to point out what is good and noble in their experiences. But I need also to tell them what are wrong, dangerous, incomplete, confusing, etc. Indeed, not only a good knowledge of love is needed. Also a lot of human psychology is needed too.

For example, how do you explain to them that love is much more than just a certain feeling of attraction? I know all about “eros”, “filia” and “agape” as the different kinds or steps in loving, but how you do transmit this to them without killing their attention?

The ideas of commitment, fidelity and loyalty are most of the time unknown to them. The idea that when one goes steady with someone, that means he is already thinking of marrying—this connection is not made.

I asked one thirteen-year-old boy why he now has a girlfriend. And he just replied, “for inspiration, Father.” Yes, it's charming, this innocent response. But I can't help thinking of the many danger that lurk just nearby. The devil can always take advantage of human weaknesses.

Which brings me to the realization that many of these boys are hapless victims of what they see around. Yes, the culture can be very dangerous. And the errors, inadequacies and confusion are constantly reinforced, for example, by media and the entertainment world.

A cursory look at the newspapers, TV shows, billboards, movies, etc., quickly give you the impression that what is projected are simplistic, shallow images of goodness and human love, heavily based on what is material and sensual. The spiritual aspects of goodness and love are set aside.

My occasional viewing of movies in boat trips reveals that many of these movies just play upon the emotions of people, without giving due attention to the ethical rightness of the details portrayed there.

The noontime variety shows on TV notoriously present cheap and inane gimmicks and games, effectively hooking people to the idea that what is fun is simply what is sensibly pleasurable. There is no effort to link them to what is spiritually healthy.

In fact, I get the impression that what is considered effectively funny is when one not only ignores, but also ridicules spiritual values. Those behind the production appear to be completely awkward and uncomfortable with spiritual values. This is a dangerous trend.

This is quite ironical a development. Since the world is supposed to be getting bigger in terms of population and more complicated, there should also be a stronger and clearer projection of what is truly good for man. But what do we have?

Because of greed or laziness, people with position to affect culture and social life appear oblivious to the greater responsibility they are having as they plunge deeper into their pursuit of quick profit and whatever would constitute as instant success.

We have to wake up from this nightmare!