LET’S first have some disturbing data regarding marriage and family in many parts of the world today. These can form basis for another reminder about the true nature of these crucial institutions, now badly understood and lived.
Recent reports from different sources give the following data. Italy in 1981 had a rate of 5.6 marriages per 1000 people, for a total of 316,953. By 2001 the rate had fallen to 4.5 per 1000 people, or 260,904 marriages.
Meanwhile, couples living together outside marriage in Italy have also risen. In 1993 there were 277,000 such cases. By 2001 the number had risen to 453,000. That’s an increase of 63.5%.
In Spain, a 60% increase in separations and divorces is reported for the last 8 years, for a total of 134,931 in 2004. Now that they have legalized same-sex unions, they may find more success there.
In England and Wales, it is reported that 41% of births took place outside of marriage, meaning there are many illegitimate children there. The rate was only 12% in these places a decade ago.
While there is an increase of marriages in these places in the last two years, this was due more to an increase in second marriages after divorce. In fact, only 59% of marriages in 2003 were to first-time brides and grooms.
In Canada, a report shows a sharp increase in repeat divorces. In 2003, 16.2% of the divorces granted involved men who had previously been divorced.
The figure for women is 15.7%. I’ve always believed that one divorce deserves another, then another… Unless the true nature and meaning of love, marriage and family is understood, this tragic cycle will go on.
In the US, one-third of men and nearly one-fourth of women between the ages of 30 and 34 have never been married, but the number of single parents has increased by 24% since 1970.
In Australia, the number of single parents also increased by 38% since 1991, from 552,000 in 1991 to 763,000 in 2001.
Commentaries from analysts and sociologists vary. A Canadian professor
says: “We are a very individualistic society, and we value choice, we value romance, and we’ve become much less tolerant of anything that goes wrong. We are less willing to work at relationships. It’s much easier to break up a marriage.”
A newspaper editorial claims:
“Divorce is considered to be a private matter between husband and wife, an individual choice in which government and society have little interests.
“That’s obviously not true. Divorce is not just a tragedy for couples. It’s a problem for everyone else…When a marriage ends, a home is destroyed as surely as when a house burns to the ground. Every divorce is a tragedy.”
Pope Benedict XVI recently explained that marriage is not just a casual sociological phenomenon, a result of some social or economic forces. It is found on what is man.
As a person, the Pope said, man or woman is a child of God who is love, made in God’s image and likeness, and thus made to love. We therefore just have to discover this vocation to love and to live out this love fully.
This can only be done when we are with God, who reveals himself fully in Christ, and now through the Church that works through its hierarchical structure, through its doctrine and the sacraments.
A couple who marry obviously because of love, which is more a sentimental, emotional or purely human kind, should realize that upon marriage they are obliged to love each other to the end.
This means that they have to make that love open to further growth and development, until it is conformed, perfected and united to the love of Christ for us. It would be stupid to rely merely on our own human powers to love.
Love, marriage and family are human realities that are not of our own making, but rather of God. They have to be pursued always in accordance with the law God has made for them.
This, I believe, and a lot more of its practical consequences and implications, need to be explained again and again. Otherwise, the tragic spiral of marital and family woes will just go from bad to worse.
In the end, what can solve the problem related to love, marriage and family, is when we decide to go back to God.
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