The self-righteous bully

THIS can happen to anyone of us. Self-righteousness is a

common disease, since all of us have our share of pride and arrogance.

We may not acknowledge it—a more insidious situation to be in, since

pride has a tremendous blinding power—but we can fall into it from

time to time, especially when we make rash judgments, easily jump to

conclusions, stereotype people, making a habit of finding fault at

others, etc.

            What is worse is when it is not only quiet and secretive,

but rather open and loud, and can get even physical, or when it

defines the very character of a person. It is shown in the way he

carries himself, he looks at others, he speaks and reacts to things.

He oozes with over-self-confidence, with a tone of voice that cannot

be other than bossy and strident.

            That’s when we can speak of the self-righteous bully. He

gives the impression that he knows everything, that he is superior to

others, etc. He is usually one who is gifted in some way—physically,

intellectually or, worse, spiritually.

            The source of their problem are the gifts given to them,

which they do not know how to handle properly. Instead of being

humbled by them and always aware that the gifts are meant for God’s

glory and the good of others, they make these endowments a source of

their pride. They are highly opinionated. They like to dominate any

discussion. They want always to have the last word.

            The prototype of this creature were the religious leaders

during Christ’s time. Despite all the signs of the divine and

redemptive character of Christ, they were always suspicious of him,

until finally they managed to put him to death.

            We have to be most careful of this spiritual virus. The

moment we see the slightest signs of its onset on us, we have to react

immediately and strongly, deepening our humility and strengthening our

desire to always glorify God and to be at the service of others.

            We should reflect the attitude of Christ who said that

“the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give

his life as a ransom for many.” (Mt 20,28) We have to learn how to

pass unnoticed even as we are determined in carrying out our tasks and

duties in life.

            The awareness of our gifts or special charisms should also

intensify the awareness of the great responsibility we have to fulfill

because of them. Because of this, we should always feel the need to go

to God, convinced that it can only be with him that we can do things

properly. We should never think we can simply rely on our own powers.

            And then let’s start to figure out how to reach out to

others and serve them the way God wants them served through those

God-given gifts. When see a self-righteous bully, let’s pray for him

and offer sacrifices for him, and do everything to help him discover

his proper place and use his gifts rightly.

            But let’s start with our own selves. Whatever changes we

want in make the world a better place to live in should start with our

own selves!

Two heads are better than one

 “I SAY to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything

they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where

two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of

them.” (Mt 18,19-20)

            We should always remember these words in our collective

activities. We should never think that in our meetings and gatherings,

we are simply on our own, guided only by our own agendas. God is in

the middle in all these, and he should be the center and focus.

Collegiality should be understood in this way. Otherwise, what would

we be doing?

            And among these collective activities, special attention

has to be given when we give or receive spiritual direction. In this

specific means of spiritual formation, we need to realize that both

the giver and the receiver are trying to discern the will of God as we

face different issues in our daily life.

            It is our way of trying to figure out what exactly is the

Holy Spirit telling us, convinced that two heads are better than one

in this delicate task of discernment. Obviously, the spiritual

director is there to help, but the directee is the one who in the

final analysis would have to make the decision.

            It should be clear to both parties that it is Christ who

is the model to be followed and the Holy Spirit who is the modeler to

be obeyed. The spiritual director, no matter how holy and competent he

is, is not the model nor the modeler. He just helps, encouraging the

directees to be close to God, opening horizons to them, motivating

them, making suggestions, etc.

            To be sure, spiritual direction can only be properly done

in the context of prayer, always aware of God’s continuing, merciful

and wise providence. It is our way of sustaining our effort at

sanctification as we face all the trials and challenges of our daily

life.  It should not be done only in the level of some psychoanalytic

exercise.

            Of course, it helps that the spiritual director always

gives good example and, in fact, should try his best to be consistent

in the public testimony of his genuine Christian life. But in giving

spiritual direction, he just helps. He has to respect the freedom of

his directee, never imposing his own concrete ways, though he may

suggest them if they are compatible with the directee’s way of being.

            He has to be most sensitive to the temperament of the

directee, and quick to adjust when he notices differences in this

area. He should be knowledgeable enough to identify the specific

spirituality the directee is manifesting, trying to develop it as

fully as possible. He should not impose his own spirituality, and

therefore should be open to all kinds of Church-approved

spiritualities and charisms, of which he should be familiar.

            He should be so broad-minded, patient and understanding as

to inspire the sincerity of the directee. He should try not to be

scandalized by anything, and should reassure the directee that he will

defend the directee before God and men all the way.

            On the part of the directee, he has to realize that he

needs to have spiritual direction. No matter how gifted and holy he

is, he will always need some guidance. Practically all the saints

availed of a spiritual director. He has to choose his director freely,

and goes through that spiritual means of personal formation because he

wants to and not because it is expected of him or that he was told to

do so.

            Spiritual direction should be done in the spirit of

friendship and brotherhood, where trust and confidence in the

mysterious workings of the Holy Spirit should prevail.

Building resilience

WITH all the vagaries of life, we have to make sure that

we manage to stay on track toward our proper destination. And this

means, for one, that we have to learn how to be resilient enough to

bend, bounce back and continue to move on without breaking or stopping

due to some problems, failures, crises, etc.

            For this, we need to be sport in attitude, knowing how to

play the game of life till the end without being overly affected by

unavoidable setbacks. All this, of course, is a matter of hope that is

built up firmly on the ground of our Christian faith that tells us

that God is a father who will always take care of us no matter how our

game of life plays out.

            There are certain relevant skills to develop here. Among

them is always to be cheerful and optimistic. We may experience

disappointments, and, yes, some of them can be extreme, but we have to

learn how to handle them properly, never failing to see the hand of

God behind them.

            If God allows them to happen, the invincible conviction of

our faith should tell us that it is because something good can always

be derived from them. As St. Paul said: “In all things, God works for

the good of those who love him…” (Rom 8,28) So, let’s always bank our

reactions to things on our faith, more than just on our intelligence

and, much less, on our feelings and emotions alone.

            We should not stay too long feeling bad over some negative

developments in our life. We may complain and lament a little, but

let’s keep it as short as possible. What we have to do is to

immediately see what precious messages and lessons God is showing us

with these dark events.

            If we have to say sorry, then let’s not delay it. God is

always merciful. If we have to suffer the consequences of our

mistakes, then let’s just be game about them. If we refer them to God,

we know that they possess great power to purify and strengthen us, as

well as to help in God’s continuing work of human redemption.

            We have to have the attitude of just beginning and

beginning again, never allowing ourselves to get stuck at some point

of our struggles. It helps if we also have a good sense of humor.

          We have no reason to plunge into deep worry and anxiety,

since God will take care of everything, for as long as we at least

don’t formally go against him.

            We have to be cheerful all the way, deliberately training

ourselves in this field, since with our human weakness and some

adverse world conditions, we can easily be overcome by worry and

anxiety.

            Cheerfulness, even in its form of naughty humor, has very

salutary effects and advantages. It makes us see things better. It

makes us more flexible and more able to handle varying situations.

            It gives us some space and distance from events so that we

would be able to assess and judge things calmly and objectively. And

all this aside from its immediate effect of making everybody feel

good.

            All this can help us build the necessary resilience in life.